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From Bangalore, India
December 30, 2007
The sights and sounds were a veritable feast for the senses - a pavilion decked with garlands of flowers, women in their finest saris, the sounds of a priest chanting in Sanskrit, the double-reed nagaswaram and the drum blasting
from the back of the hall, people talking and moving about -- and in and amongst it all two people exchanged vows in a Hindu ritual uniting Madhu Rao, a Brahmin caste Hindu and Sharon Jacob, a Christian from a distinguished Indian Methodist family. Sharon is a student in the PhD program at Drew University and Jim and I were lucky enough to be her guest at the wedding.
For an observer, the ritual actions carried most of the meaning of the ceremony. The vows -- in Sanskrit -- could only be heard by those in the wedding party. But visually one could see the parents blessing each other; one could see the great variety of ritual actions uniting Sharon and Madhu; one could see other family members come forward. And throughout one heard the loud sounds of the
instrumental ensemble intensifying at particularly critical moments to call down the blessings of the gods.
But the real beauty of this ceremony was in the love displayed by both Madhu's and Sharon's parents through their participation in the ceremony. Many young people are not so lucky when they announce that they are marrying outside of their religious group. Some parents cut off communications entirely. But Sharon and Madhu are lucky - their parents allowed their love of their children to overcome the societal boundaries that separated them.
Sharon's parents were as unfamiliar with this Hindu ritual as we were. Yet they participated fully in the ceremony as invited by the priest. Her dad donned the traditional dhoti for the occasion. They put aside their own disappointment that Sharon didn't marry a Christian. They have put off telling the relatives until after the fact, knowing that they are apt to set off a firestorm of criticism.
For Madhu's parents it surely must have been equally agonizing. Bramins are the highest of the caste groups. Intermarriage with a lower caste usually means that the couple is considered to be of the lower caste. Christians are "outside" of the caste structure but such marriages are frowned upon. Yet Madhu's parents also put aside their pride to support their son. They were the epitome of graciousness and hospitality.
My ears and eyes and heart carry a wonderful vision of how love can overcome the barriers that we create in the name of religion. Madhu and Sharon - may you love each other so well that your lives will be a testimony to the generosity of spirit shown by your parents. They have loved you well.
December 30, 2007
The sights and sounds were a veritable feast for the senses - a pavilion decked with garlands of flowers, women in their finest saris, the sounds of a priest chanting in Sanskrit, the double-reed nagaswaram and the drum blasting
from the back of the hall, people talking and moving about -- and in and amongst it all two people exchanged vows in a Hindu ritual uniting Madhu Rao, a Brahmin caste Hindu and Sharon Jacob, a Christian from a distinguished Indian Methodist family. Sharon is a student in the PhD program at Drew University and Jim and I were lucky enough to be her guest at the wedding. For an observer, the ritual actions carried most of the meaning of the ceremony. The vows -- in Sanskrit -- could only be heard by those in the wedding party. But visually one could see the parents blessing each other; one could see the great variety of ritual actions uniting Sharon and Madhu; one could see other family members come forward. And throughout one heard the loud sounds of the
instrumental ensemble intensifying at particularly critical moments to call down the blessings of the gods. But the real beauty of this ceremony was in the love displayed by both Madhu's and Sharon's parents through their participation in the ceremony. Many young people are not so lucky when they announce that they are marrying outside of their religious group. Some parents cut off communications entirely. But Sharon and Madhu are lucky - their parents allowed their love of their children to overcome the societal boundaries that separated them.
Sharon's parents were as unfamiliar with this Hindu ritual as we were. Yet they participated fully in the ceremony as invited by the priest. Her dad donned the traditional dhoti for the occasion. They put aside their own disappointment that Sharon didn't marry a Christian. They have put off telling the relatives until after the fact, knowing that they are apt to set off a firestorm of criticism.
For Madhu's parents it surely must have been equally agonizing. Bramins are the highest of the caste groups. Intermarriage with a lower caste usually means that the couple is considered to be of the lower caste. Christians are "outside" of the caste structure but such marriages are frowned upon. Yet Madhu's parents also put aside their pride to support their son. They were the epitome of graciousness and hospitality.
My ears and eyes and heart carry a wonderful vision of how love can overcome the barriers that we create in the name of religion. Madhu and Sharon - may you love each other so well that your lives will be a testimony to the generosity of spirit shown by your parents. They have loved you well.
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